29 devs,
ranked by how they treat git.

Three months in, she will solve your relationship issues by closing them as 'not planned' and moving on to the next project.

Mid-argument, she will calmly suggest a community-led governance model for your relationship that leaves you feeling surprisingly heard but slightly managed.

Three months in, you will realize your evening plans are competing with his 39% night-commit ratio.

When the wifi cuts out mid-show, he will stare at the router with the intensity of a man debugging a legacy monolith.

Mid-argument, they will realize they have 107 repositories and simply decide that your relationship is a legacy project to be archived.

When he sends the text that says 'we need to talk', he will have already drafted a comprehensive settlement agreement.

Three months in, you will realize his silence isn't mysterious, it's just a fourteen-year habit of not pushing anything to production.

Mid-argument, he will offer a hardware-level solution to your emotional distress, citing his ten years of experience in Dallas.

Mid-argument, he will explain that your relationship issues are just a legacy platform problem he’s currently too busy to refactor.

Over brunch, he will explain that your relationship status is just a boolean that needs to be refactored for clarity.

Mid-argument, he will suggest a comparison chart to visualize your feelings, citing his 355 public repos as proof of expertise.

Mid-argument, they will simply stop speaking, having decided that your current emotional state is not worth the cost of a refactor.

Mid-argument, they will suggest you re-render your entire personality because your current state management is causing unnecessary side effects.

Three months in, you’ll realize your relationship is being managed like a curriculum on EpicReact.dev rather than a spontaneous human connection.

Mid-argument, he will solve your domestic dispute by proposing a more elegant, Go-based architecture for your shared household chores.

Mid-argument, he will remind you that your emotional state is technically a kernel-level bug he fixed in 1991.

Mid-argument, he will calmly explain that your emotional state is a legacy dependency he has already deprecated in favor of VoidZero.

Mid-argument, he will suggest a more efficient way to handle your feelings, citing a Vercel-optimized architecture for emotional stability.

Three months in, you will realize your relationship status is secondary to the uptime of his 140 public repositories.

Three months in, you will realize that his 36,829 stars mean he is never, ever checking your Jira tickets.