28 devs,
ranked by how they treat git.

Three months in, she will solve your relationship issues by closing them as 'not planned' and moving on to the next project.

Three months in, you will realize your evening plans are competing with his 39% night-commit ratio.

Three months in, you will realize his silence isn't mysterious, it's just a fourteen-year habit of not pushing anything to production.

Over brunch, he will explain that your relationship status is just a boolean that needs to be refactored for clarity.

Mid-argument, he will suggest a comparison chart to visualize your feelings, citing his 355 public repos as proof of expertise.

Mid-argument, they will simply stop speaking, having decided that your current emotional state is not worth the cost of a refactor.

Mid-argument, they will suggest you re-render your entire personality because your current state management is causing unnecessary side effects.

Three months in, you’ll realize your relationship is being managed like a curriculum on EpicReact.dev rather than a spontaneous human connection.

Mid-argument, he will calmly explain that your emotional state is a legacy dependency he has already deprecated in favor of VoidZero.

Mid-argument, he will suggest a more efficient way to handle your feelings, citing a Vercel-optimized architecture for emotional stability.

Three months in, you will realize your relationship status is secondary to the uptime of his 140 public repositories.

Mid-way through a friend's birthday dinner, he will pause to suggest a more semantic way to phrase your anecdote.

Mid-argument, they will gently suggest that your life problems are just a configuration error in your YAML files.